How long did you try to conceive before adopting? ? Preventing ...

I asked my grandma about fostering when I was in my teens. (She was a foster mother and so was my great grandma.) She told me to raise my own first so I know how to handle a child who came from a troubled background. And learn to be a parent first in my own home.

So when I was married at 20 we did what family expected us to do and started trying for a baby straight away. (She felt a person had to have some life experience before adopting or fostering to understand the issues that come up as people grow older.) It was a long road, tried IVF once and never again, my husband offered to get a vasectomy at one point rather than us fall pregnant after 10yrs. My husbanded hated all of that hormone treatment and needles. We wondered if this is how we really wanted to form our family. In conversations with our parents we realized it was all for them that we were doing fertility treatments! Our way of thinking was more open than theirs.

It was 10yrs later in another conversation with her that adoption came up. I told her we really didn?t like going through all of that and what she thought about it. She smiled and told me how much she loved her foster brother and wouldn?t trade him for anyone, that includes DNA. I heard about him as we grew up, he was loved by all of the family, he died before I was born, but I feel as though I knew him from how she spoke about him with so much love and closeness. (He;s still remembered in the family today and talked about, he?s part of us in the ways that count for what he left behind by just being part of our family. My uncle is in all the family photo?s.He never married.)

That set it all in motion. She told us to go and look at our options in her eyes she felt we ready, and she was right. (She was a wise old lady and I miss her. Big heart.) The two girls she fostered came from a very troubled background of severe abuse. They were 12 and 10 when they came to live with her.I knew them well, she did everything she could to give them a better life.

17yrs later we became parents.

It wasn?t a second Choice to adopt its just how it is and part of the journey to becoming parents. And I wouldn?t trade my kids for biology. But that?s me, and not everyone feels the same in the world nor is their journey the same either.

So I guess in my heart I always felt the same, DNA didn?t matter to me, I just wanted to be a mum.

Source: http://preventingpregnancyproblems.com/how-long-did-you-try-to-conceive-before-adopting

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